Chapter Twelve

Eva

“You’re really getting good at this whole serving thing,”

        I laugh as I wait for Luke to finish locking up The Underground so he can take my two ton book bag from my shoulder. “It was a slow shift, don’t get excited.” 

Over the past few weeks, I figured out how to turn a setback into an advantage by using the waiting time for my walk home after my shift to hide in the office and study like a good little college student. It turns out I really can have it all. 

The only downside is the textbook weight.

        “I mean it,” he insists, finally turning the last god forsaken lock on the bodega. A blessed click rings through the night and like the true hero to humanity he is, Luke immediately reaches for my strap and rids me of the evil bag like it’s no more than a pound. “Even on our busier nights you’re killing it.”

        Killing it feels like an overstatement but I’ll take the praise anyway. 

Our phones ping at once before I can respond to my personal hype man and there’s a text from Nina demanding that we stop by the patio for a “FAMILY MEETING!!!” 

        “What’s that supposed to mean?” My brows furrow as I absently check my other messages. “It’s like two-thirty in the morning. On a weeknight.”

        “Halloween babaay!” Luke claps his hands, before spinning to walk backwards. “Over the next week you’re gonna see Little Red hit a whole new level of crazy.”

        Shit. I almost managed to forget.

        “Haven’t you noticed her apartment?” He laughs. Her home puts every Halloween store to utter shame. 

        “To be fair, it’s looked like that since I moved in,” I sigh, opening a message from Chris who is asking, yet again, if I can stop by the cafe tomorrow after class. I close it without answering. I’m not in the mood for our little dance anymore. If he wants to meet up then he can come to me for once.

        “You don’t like Halloween?” Luke asks, picking up on my constipated expression. 

        “Not really.” My feet practically drag up our front steps. “It’s the day before my birthday. And I hate my birthday.”

        “Whaaat?” He cries holding the door open for me to pass. “I thought girls lived for that shit.”

        “Ugh. Don’t ask.” 

        “Okay, but Nina will kick your ass if she finds out you tried to go under the radar with it.” 

        We schlep our tired asses up the steps and through my apartment, ignoring the booming thump my bag makes when Luke drops it at my door. I stop short at my kitchen counter and stare longingly at my coffee pot.

        “Real talk— how long is this going to take?”

        “Don’t bother,” Luke tosses his arm around my shoulders and tugs me along. “Ry would knock it out of your hand on sight.”

We climb out my window and down the fire escape to meet our friends below.

        “Finally! What the hell took so long?” Nina barks as we settle in. Ryan silently hands me a beer as I tuck myself deep into my spot on the lounger and pretend it’s a bed.

        “You smell,” Jamie whispers beside me.

        “That sounds like a personal problem.” I lift his arm and burrow into his side like a dachshund under a blanket. “You’re not allowed to have an opinion on how I smell.”

        “Why’s that?” He chuckles, rubbing my arm against the autumn chill. “You’re getting your stink all over me.”

        “You’re a smoker. You already stink.”

        “Brat,” he digs his finger into my rib, making me squirm with a yipe.

        “Alright dip shits, listen up.” Nina leans forward in her seat and points her finger at us. “I want to make it clear right here and now to stick to the schedule I make for you next Friday. I will harvest your fucking fingernails and feed them to the alley cats if you mess it up.”

        “Jesus Neen,” Ryan groans. “We go through this every year. We know the damn drill.”

        “I’m still going over costume ideas for everyone,” she continues like he never spoke. “But I have some good prospects. Eves, I think we can do a black swan for you. I just need a tutu and an old pair of ballet shoes.”

        “Okay,” I yawn.

        “No later than Saturday!” She warns. I give her a weak thumbs up and she accepts the gesture as her cue to move on to Ryan. “Did you get the street permit for the car share lines?”

        “You act like I don’t run the damn business.”

        Is it time for bed yet? 

        My phone goes off from the table with a text. 

        “Who’s Cafe Chris?” Jamie asks quietly, going stiff beneath me.

        “Meh,” I whisper. “He’s just some dude who likes my company during his breaks at the cafe down the street.”

        “And texting you in the middle of the night?” His voice tightens as he speaks. 

        I shrug and decide for once to ignore his tone. It’s late, he’s probably just cranky like the rest of us. 

        “Jamie! Are you listening to me?” Nina shouts.

        “No.” He answers without a lick of remorse. He leans forward to snatch my phone, completely ignoring Nina’s lecture on the importance of us being on the same page next week. He holds it in front of my face to unlock it and begins tapping my screen.

        “Hey!” I sit up, trying to take my phone back. “What the hell are you doing?”

        “Explaining to Cafe Chris that it’s fucking late.” He answers calmly, jerking my phone out of reach as he taps away on my screen.

        “Ugh, what does Chris want?” Nina asks with thin eyes; momentarily distracted from her Halloween tirade by the prospect of getting on a soap box about Chris being lame.

        It was her idea to start talking to him in the first place.

        “I’ll give you one guess,” I answer, making a mad swipe for my phone. “Seriously Jamie, give it back!”

        “I swear to god, if he asks you to meet up during his break one more time I’m blocking his number for you.” She scoffs watching me struggle to retrieve my phone.

        “Hey, Neen,” Jamie says, casually reading through my text chain with Chris while he palms my forehead to keep me away from my damn phone. “Give your shift to Eva tomorrow.”

        “What?!” I cry trying to free my face from his stupid yeti hand. “Why—?” 

        “Okay!” She agrees happily. “I could use the time for Halloween planning anyway.” 

        “It’s settled then,” Jamie tosses the phone down in my lap with a satisfied smirk.  

        I glance down to see he’s deleted the entire text conversation. A new one comes in, nothing more than a frown emoji.

        “You’re busy tomorrow night.”

********

        Jamie’s rich laugh bounces off the alley walls as I break into the running man. I’m currently keeping him company for a smoke break since the bar isn’t crazy and I’ve spent the past few minutes entertaining him with one lame dance after another.

        “You are so weird.”

        “Don’t be jealous just because I’m cooler than you.” I sing, doing the moonwalk.

        The door cracks open and Luke pokes his head out. “Hey Eves, you got someone at the bar here to see you.” He holds the door open for me to come in.

“Who?” Jamie’s smile drops off his face. All traces of my favorite dimple are gone.

Luke just shrugs.

        “Try not to get lung cancer while I’m gone!” I call over my shoulder as I head in.

        I get to the front and my eyes widen when I spot Chris sitting at the bar with a bottle of beer. He smiles when he sees me and raises his hand in a small wave.

        “Hey stranger.” He grins, leaning in for a one arm hug.

What the hell is he doing here?

        “Hi!” I  return his embrace and try not to look like I have indigestion. Over Chris’s shoulder I see Jamie emerge from the back. He slows when he spots us then walks stiffly over to our end of the bar and begins an order of drinks. His jaw is ticking and his brows are pulled down.

        It’s like we weren’t just having a blast together a minute ago.

        Chris rubs my shoulder. “Figured I’d come down your way for once.”

        I smile but it's definitely brittle. I’ve been thinking how I wanted him to put in more of an effort and here he is doing exactly that but I don’t feel much better. I turn to the bar and try to get Luke’s attention.

        “What?” Jamie’s in front of us and he’s staring Chris down with hard eyes.

        A shiver of apprehension runs up the back of my neck as I take in his expression. This shouldn’t be so awkward but here we are.

        “Hey Jamie? This is Chris?” I wince as soon as the second question/statement leaves my mouth. His sea blues slide to mine, thinning with displeasure.

Sorry! I mouth with my hands thrown up in surrender. Nothing sets him on edge like when I speak in questions.

The corners of Jamie’s mouth soften a fraction before Chris pipes up and ruins it.

        “Hey man, nice to meet you.” He says, holding out his hand. 

Jamie looks at it like it’s contaminated but reluctantly gives his hand a firm shake.

        “What do you need?” He asks again, this time making cold eye contact with me.

        Anxiety is pricking under my skin and my breathing feels tight. Seriously, why is this little interaction so stressful? 

He was perfectly fine a minute ago. 

        “Oh... um, his next drink is on me...” I just barely refrain from making it a question. I turn to Chris. “I have to get back to my tables.”

I know I’m running away. I’m not proud.

        I spend the next twenty minutes avoiding that end of the bar and berating myself for acting like a chicken shit. It’s not like I have anything to be ashamed of. And I shouldn’t be surprised Jamie is being unfriendly towards Chris. No one understands better than me how he behaves around new people.

Yet I still can’t shake the feeling I just did something wrong.

It’s like the second he found out I had a visitor he locked up.

        “Hey Luke,” I call with a sigh. “Can you make me a gimlet and let Jamie know not to bother?”

        He crosses his eyes and leans down. “You two fighting again?”

        “I don’t think so?” I ask/say like a scared bunny. “I just got a weird vibe when I introduced him to Chris.”

        “Ah.” Luke smiles sagely like he knows something I don’t. “Say no more.”

         He sets to work on the gimlet and places it down on the bar but not before calling over his shoulder loud enough for the entire city to hear, “Hey Jamie! I made that gimlet Eves just put in! She’s too scared to come over to your end because you’re acting all ragey.” He gives me an enthusiastic thumbs up like he just did me a huge favor.

        “You’re lucky I love you.” I seeth, grabbing the cocktail as I stomp back to my tables and avoid the bar some more. I’m dropping a check when Chris comes up, sporting his usual adorable grin.

        “Hey, I can see you’re pretty busy and that bartender clearly hates my guts, so I’m going to get out of here.”

        “Oh, I’m really sorry…” my nose scrunches with guilt.  I’m handling this whole situation like an asshole.

        He shrugs, biting into his smile. “You can make it up to me by letting me take you out next Thursday.”

        “Like a date?” 

Holy shit. He’s asking me out.

        “Exactly like a date. Dinner and all. Pick you up at seven?”

For just a second I want to say no. My eyes search out Jamie. But we’re not together. A few laughs and cold night snuggles doesn’t equate to romance. If Jamie wanted more he would have said something by now.

And Chris is choosing me.

        A small, unsure smile breaks over my face. “Okay.”

        “Great. Then… I’ll see you Thursday.” He gives my ponytail a little tug and makes his way upstairs.

        I have a date.  Me, miss-too-awkward-to-live has an actual date.

        “You have a date!” Lacy squeals from her spot at the bar. Her wife claps slowly with pride.

        “He’s cute,” Tasha laughs. “But the cute ones can still be assholes so keep those peepers wide open.”

        “Oh stop, I’m sure he’s great,” Lacy clucks, swatting Tasha’s shoulder. Then she leans in close. “But what about Jamie?”

        My preening grin slips as my whole body breaks into spins and needles. What about him? Did he say something to them? 

Tasha snorts, taking a sip of her Old Fashion.

        “He seems fine to me,” she slides a knowing gaze down the bar. “Take some advice honey, don’t lose any sleep over that one.”

        “But you love Jamie!” Lacy cries, knocking her glasses up her nose with her knuckle.

        “Yeah I really do. But he makes me happy that I don't bat for his team.” 

        I’m still too much of a coward to look over, so I attempt a breezy laugh waving the pair off like this conversation isn’t tying my already tight stomach into burning knots. 

        “We’re just friends…  and that’s a feat far better than a date.”

         I chat with them another minute or so, making sure they don’t need anything before I get my head back in the game. I plug in some orders and head down to Jamie’s end of the bar. After Luke’s public declaration a few minutes ago, it doesn’t seem worth it to avoid him but as I approach he seems busy with his own business. 

        He’s leaned forward with a charming smile I’ve never seen on him before. 

It’s easy.

Welcoming.

And reserved for someone who isn’t me.

His dimples flash for a second before he licks his bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth. He’s flirting. Heat unfurls behind my ribs at the sight. Even during our best times, it always feels as if he’s enjoying himself against his will. But right now is a different story entirely. Everything about his expression is meant to draw you in. It’s almost calculating.

  He leans on his elbows dropping another seductive grin as he says something undoubtedly clever to the pretty brunette who is looking at him like he’s magical carbless pasta.

What I’d give to have that smile on me.

        Not wanting to interrupt, I wait patiently at the service bar for my order. Then I wait some more. Finally, after a couple minutes of being completely ignored, I clear my throat.

        “Jamie. Can you fill that order? ” I smile politely at the girl he’s talking to.

        “Ask Luke.” 

Two toneless words. That’s all.

His eyes stay glued to the brunette as he speaks; as if looking at me will cause a plague or something.

She giggles behind her hand, probably not even knowing what she’s laughing at.

         No need to laugh. It wasn’t a fucking joke.

         A flush spreads across my cheeks and I drop my eyes down before anyone can see the hurt there. “Sure thing.”

        “Oh and Eva?”

        “Yeah?” I whip around, hoping against hope that I’m blowing this whole thing out of proportion. But those hopes are promptly dashed to shit once I’m facing him again. Jamie still has his eyes on the girl, I can feel the heat from his gaze from here.

        “Walk home with Luke tonight.

Something ugly punches up my diaphram.

I keep the smile fastened to my face like an award winning actress. “No problem.”

        With hot cheeks and a sinking heart I rush down to the other end of the bar to fill my order with Luke and let him know about the change of plans.

        “Yeah, he just switched with me. Which is great because I sure as shit don’t feel like closing.” He says and places my order on the tray.

        “Told ya.” Tasha whispers behind her Old Fashion, shooting Lacy a knowing look from the side of her eyes.

        “You’re so short sighted.” Lacy scoffs back.

        I pretend I didn’t hear their exchange and give them a tight smile then get back to work, trying my best to ignore the ache in my chest. 

He’s pissed. And the only thing that happened was Chris coming in.

The butterflies in my stomach barely take flight before they shrivel up and die.  Every memory from my youth surges at once to laugh at me. I’ve had one true lesson drilled into my head my whole life.

  I’m no one’s first choice.

My fingers are numb around the stack of rags I slide onto the stock closet shelf. If he doesn’t want me, that’s fine. It’s not like I really expected him to swoop me off my feet. Honestly, it’s a miracle he’s even a friend considering how things started off with us.
But why punish me?

        I’m coming out from the stock closet when I see Jamie sneaking out the back for a smoke. I should avoid him. When he’s like this, being in his space is bad for my health. But I’m moving in his direction anyway. I can’t just leave it and not clear the air. I want to know if it’s just me. If I’m going crazy, imagining shit that’s not there. But if I’m right…

Drops of a sticky rage cling to the inside of my chest.

        “Hey,” I say, poking my head out just as he’s sparking up.

        “You need something?” His tone isn’t harsh, but it’s definitely not warm either.

         More like empty.

        “Um, so...” I bounce on my toes a couple times trying to give a physical outlet for my nerves that doesn’t involve annoying speech ticks. “I feel like I did something in there to piss you off. I just want to apologize–”

        “The fuck you talking about?” Smoke pours out of his nostrils in a thick stream and his mouth is set in a flat line.

        Now he’s being a dick.

        Anger crackles under my skin. A small rough laugh escapes through my teeth as I try to figure out myself what is going on. “You know, I’m not sure?” I rub my arms against the chill in the air. “You’re acting different and you switched shifts—“

        “What the hell would that have to do with you?”

        “I don’t know,” I say, my tone chilling  to match his. “Why’d you switch?”

        “So I can fuck the chick at the bar.”

         It’s like I caught an anvil to the chest.

My breath seizes in my lungs for a second as I absorb the impact. This isn’t the first time he’s switched a shift so he can hook up with someone. Last Friday he did the same thing. 

        But tonight feels different. 

        It feels personal. 

         I look around the alley some more, trying to reign in my emotions. I have absolutely no right to be hurt just because he’s sleeping with that girl, I just accepted a date with Chris. But I can’t shake the feeling he’s ditching me for pussy specifically out of spite and that stings.

Actually, scratch that. 

It pisses me the fuck off.

“This is all because of Chris. Isn’t it?” I brace myself for some kind of outburst. For Jamie to laugh at me and blow me off. But he just freezes, going unnaturally still as smoke pours from his mouth, curling around the night air. It’s an eternity before he speaks.

“He asked you out?”

“Sure did.” I fold my arms over my chest, squeezing my ribs to infuse strength into my words. “You have something to say about it?”

Jamie stares ahead. Silent.

“No? Nothing?” A burning laugh mists past my lips into the night. “So, you have no problem changing my schedule, deleting my texts and being a god damn douche bag to me for the entire shift, but you draw the line at telling me not to go?”

But he doesn’t say anything. Continuing to smoke his cigarette in silence, never choosing me.

           My god, I was right.

           “You don’t want me but no one else can have me? Is that right?”

           His eyes cut to mine for the first time since I stepped out here, the blue slicing through the night in warning. 

           “Oh, my god. That’s it isn’t it?” My voice rises with every word. My breathing picks up with each second this situation comes into focus. “What am I? Some toy to keep in the corner in case you get bored?”

          “Shut up, Eva.”

            Eva. Not Doe Eyes.

           “Or what, Jamie?  You’ll be mean to me?” I laugh at the idea. “Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.”

            “For fucks sake.” He flicks his butt against the dumpster. “Stop putting words in my mouth.”

           “Then fucking say something!”

           We both still go. My throat burns as the echo from my yelling bounces against the alley bricks.

          “Fine, how about this?”  He takes a single step in my direction, his voice level and cold. “We are not together. I’m not your fucking boyfriend. You can’t be a toy for me to play games with because you’re not fucking mine.”

         His words cut like glass. Every syllable nicks and scuffs the hope I’ve been secretly nurturing for weeks. 

        Jamie steps into my space. Close enough for his heat to wrap around me. Close enough for sparks to fly. “So go out with him if you want. Fuck him. Marry him. It’s no skin off of my teeth.”

He’s barely a breath away now. His lips practically move against mine as he lists all the things Chris is welcome to. I can taste the remnants of smoke from his discarded cigarette. I’m caged in by his arms braced on the wall at my back. He’s everywhere… and I deserve a piece of him. I deserve the truth he’s hiding behind those lies he’s telling us.

Because he is lying.

And his lips are still hanging before my mouth like an offering.

“No skin of your teeth?” I whisper, raising my hands to wrap around his wrists at once, both daring and begging him to remain in my space. Then I move.

I don’t even think about what comes next as I tug him closer.

My lips touch his.

My tongue rolls over his bottom lip again and once more, following some deep instinct to taste him before I fasten my teeth around the flesh and bite I taste blood.

I want him to fucking  feel me.

His hand leaves the wall, wrapping around the front of my neck as he groans into my mouth and I release his wrists. He swallows my gasp as his body presses into mine. Every hard line of his, digging into the soft parts of me, and there’s no denying it. I’m the one he wants. 

This would be perfect if he’d only chosen me.

But he didn’t.

“I’d love to stay and chat, but I have a date to plan for.” I push him away and reach for the back door before he can see the tears gathering in my eyes. “Have fun tonight.”

****** 

Jamie

It’s almost dawn when I finally reach my street. It was a semi entertaining few hours with whatever-her-name-was. It took a while to fuck all of the anger and bitterness out of my system but against all odds, I’m finally empty. 

Despite the cold misty rain coming down around me, I’m glad to have a few minutes to decompress before I attempt to sleep. I take one last exhausted drag from my cigarette and flick the butt into the trash can on the corner. I just want to shower, crash and forget the last eight hours ever happened.

  I’m about to cross the street when light streaming out of the third floor window of Townsend House catches my eye. I lift my head, glancing up for a better view. I stop breathing.

  She’s dancing.

  Eva’s blinds are up and she’s floating around her living room with this otherworldly grace that messes me up every time I see her dance. Whether it’s ballet or the moonwalk, she’s a vision when she moves. Her hair is pulled up in two buns on the crown of her head. She’s wearing a long sweater and those striped thigh high socks she loves so much that drive me fucking crazy.

  She’s perfect.

  I stand frozen in my spot watching her twirl around her living room. I have no idea what music she’s dancing to. All I hear is the sound of rain hitting the pavement and cars splashing in the distance. I don’t need the music though. 

Her body always makes sense when she dances.

  Those big ass eyes of hers are going to be the death of me, I just know it. I can’t even look in them for more than two seconds before I feel her unlocking shit she has no business fucking with. And that mouth…

Those teeth…

  Fucking infuriating.

God, I love it when she’s mad. The energy that flies between us is potent as hellfire and it’s slowly ripping me apart. 

And tonight she finally called my bluff.

I knew the second I walked in that dickless little golden boy was going to ask her out. And from the way she smiled at him when he gave up trying to sit by me at the bar… she obviously accepted. Last night she made it sound like he didn’t matter and I let myself believe it like a fucking dumbass.

She obviously likes him. Why else would she smile and hug that walking cheese sandwich.

But fuck me, I want her to feel like shit about it.

I could see it in those enormous green eyes the moment I told her to walk home with Luke. The look of confusion and pain mixed together in a satisfying flinch. 

Then she put that perfect bow shaped mouth on mine…

Another second with her teeth fastened to my lip and I would have had her bare ass scrapping against the bricks as I fucked that temper out of her.

Christ. What The fuck is wrong with me?

  Eva stops dancing to catch her breath. Closing her eyes, she raises her tiny hand to her forehead like she does whenever she’s feeling overwhelmed then begins to pace slowly back and forth. I watch as she pauses for a second taping her forehead, I can see her mouth the words “fuck it” and she walks over to her pride and joy of a record player to change the music. As soon as she starts to move again my chest tightens. I could recognize the routine in the dark.

  She’s dancing to Moments Passed.

  Every time I see it I’m just as floored as I was down on the platform weeks ago. It’s raining and cold but I might as well be standing in the sun right now. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything as beautiful as this nervous wreck of a girl, dancing quietly in her living room. I find myself wondering shit like that about Eva often. It’s like every little thing about her is somehow the most.

Yeah, Evangeline St Clair fucking terrifies me.