Chapter Eleven

Eva

   “Where are we going?”

I yawn for the hundredth time, not really expecting an answer from Jamie as he climbs in the drivers side of Ryan’s souped-up Jeep wrangler.  So this is what friendship with Jamie looks like. It’s been a few weeks since we called our truce and every day is a new adventure. Today he woke me up before dawn with a cup of coffee telling me to get my big ass downstairs for a “road trip”.

First of all, my ass is not big.

        “Again,” Jamie smiles, flashing his dimples as he starts the car, “none of your damn business.”

        “You kidnapping me, Delahunt?”

         He laughs, moving the car from first into second gear as we drive down the street to god only knows where. 

         I try not to pay attention to how drool worthy he looks driving a manual. He’s in his signature soft gray T-shirt, with a snug black hoodie over top and worn jeans. I self consciously pull at my messy bun and rub my Keds together, hoping my distressed denim shorts and cable knit black sweater are okay.  I don’t get it, he never wears anything particularly special, but he always wears it all so well. 

        “It’s a surprise.”

        “Like a good surprise… or the other kind where you bury my body in a shallow grave and my remains get feasted on for weeks by scavengers before local law enforcement finally discovers my chewed up hand miles away from the site and it’s far too late for anyone to identify me?”

        His head snaps to me, horror etched into every plain of his face. “Jesus Christ. How many times do I have to tell you to stop watching those true crime shows with Nina?”

        “Interesting how you didn’t answer my question.” 

        “It’s supposed to be the first one but if you keep it up there will be a fucking change of plans.” He shakes his head, some of the honey strands catching the thin morning light.

Such a grump.

        “I should warn you.” I take a dainty sip of my coffee, “I won’t go down without a fight.”

        “Yeah?” A wicked gleam swirls in the blue depths of his eyes. “Is that a promise Doe Eyes?” 

        If I didn’t know any better, I might think he was flirting with me. My tummy flips with a shot of lust just before my imagination runs wild with a much more likely scenario.

        Oh shit… is he going to kill me?

        When I don’t provide a prompt comeback, Jamie cuts his gaze over to my side of the car. He must read my thoughts because he scoffs, pushing the car into third gear. “Seriously, stop watching that shit.”

        My poor rotted hand, and I just got a manicure...

        “For fucks sake...” he whispers, pulling his hand down his face. I follow the rose tattoo as it drops to the gearshift. The red petals undulate in the morning light as the tendons and muscles beneath the art grip tight on the custom leather. The scarred skin over his knuckles stretches taunt, going pale as he squeezes the handle in frustration. 

        My heartbeat picks up as I watch the small show he doesn’t realize he’s putting on. To most people he might look like he’s concentrating on driving but not me. When it comes to Jamie and his moods, the devil is in the details. 

        They’ll never find the rest of me...

        “We’re going to the beach. Are you happy?”

I’m gasping, dramatic as hell as his answer finally registers.

        The beach.

He’s taking me to the beach. Not a shallow grave, the beach!

        “Oh my god, really?” I miss the ocean desperately. I was hoping to make a pilgrimage there this summer but it never panned out. “Why?”

        He shrugs. “Why not?”

        “Isn’t the season pretty much over or something?” Not that I really know what I’m talking about but Nina was just saying the other day she was bummed she wouldn’t be back until next summer.

        “Exactly. We can hang out and it won’t be packed.” 

        It’s quiet for a few minutes as we head out of the city and onto the expressway. 

        “Why are we going?” I ask again.

         He shrugs nonchalantly but his knee starts to bounce. He probably wants a cigarette but won’t light one up in the car because as much as he likes to act otherwise, he cares about his friends’ comfort. “I just figured you’d want to go.”

        “Just because I’m a California girl doesn’t mean I’m a beach bum.” 

         He doesn’t need to know it’s true.

         Jamie just smiles like he knows something I don’t.

         Two and a half hours later, I sit peacefully listening to the calming melody of Georgia On My Mind as we come up on the bay. Ray Charles’s gravely voice is like snuggling under a warm blanket on a chilly day and before I know it, I’m daydreaming about slow dancing with Jamie to the song. There was a simple perfection to turning in tiny circles, wrapped tight in his arms as I listened to him sing. I sigh quietly, wishing for a world where I could have it all.

         Jamie suddenly opens all of the windows. Yanking a startled squeak out of me from the shock of wind whirling through the car.

         Then I smell it.

         Cool, briny sea air whips around the Jeep and I inhale the salty scent in absolute bliss.

         “Ah! I can smell the ocean.” I cry bouncing in my seat.

         Jamie shakes his head sporting another secret smile. “You are so weird.”        

I close my eyes and take a deep pull through my nose, trying to get every last bit of the smell. I just barely resist the urge to hang my head out the window like a dog as we fly across the bridge into the quaint New England shore town. 

        “So why did we come here?” I ask, gazing wistfully out the window at the shingled Victorian homes lining the streets. “There’s plenty of places closer to the city than this.”

        “I like it here,” he answers cryptically.

        “Oh, you come up here a lot then?” 

        “No.”

        “So, when was the last time you were here?” 

         No answer.

         I glance absently at his face and feel the color drain from mine. 

He’s staring forward, choking the steering wheel with one hand and the gear shift with the other. That would be warning enough that something is amiss, but the chilled stillness to his features is what has my heart dropping to the floor.

  Pushing down a swell of panic, I jerk forward to turn the music up and start the song again as we drive north along the island. Hit the Road Jack plays and I sing loudly and horribly to the back up vocals, hoping to smooth his feathers down before his mood takes a complete nose dive. 

         I’m not usually so tenacious with personal prodding. I’ve learned to read his tone on an initial question to tell me if it’s worth asking a follow up. But I was so distracted by the town and the smell of the ocean that I failed to pay close enough attention to the signs he was shutting down. 

         God, I hate when he shuts down. 

        It’s only happened twice since we’ve started hanging out but both times felt like ice water being thrown over a sunburn. I can still feel the sting of watching his eyes drain of warmth and the helplessness of watching him leave. But leaving isn’t really an option right now. 

        “AND DON’CHA COME BACK NO MORE,

        NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE!”

        Not to brag, but I’ve been told I have the voice of a goblin.

        He remains stiff and silent until the second verse. Slowly, the tension in his jaw eases. His shoulders roll once. He releases the gear shift to run his hand through his hair.

Come on, Jamie… Come back to me.

  Finally, his mouth pulls into that ever reluctant grin. His dimple almost peeking through and just like that, all is right in my world again.

With a rueful laugh he begins singing Ray’s part and it takes everything in me not to fall quiet to listen; to lean back and let my favorite sound in the world carry me away. 

         He stops to let some air out of the tires before he turns the Jeep onto the beach. We drive along the shore line until we come up on a jetty. Then he finally puts the car in park, leaning an arm on the steering wheel and turns to me. The warmth in his sea blues sufficiently rekindled. 

My god, those eyes are gorgeous.

        My pulse quickens and I promise myself it’s only because I’m excited to get my toes in the water. But I prove myself a liar as I remain in the car holding the heat from his gaze. The corner of his mouth lifts as he stares back.

Steady.

Unmoving.

        “Well, what the fuck are you waiting for?” He asks quietly. His eyes slipping down to my mouth.

I obediently lean forward a good three inches before I catch myself...

         Jesus Christ. What the hell is wrong with me?

I’m over here trying to ruin one everything by almost kissing the someone who is so far out of my league it’s a miracle he even knows my name. I dive forward, untying my shoes in a sad attempt to hide the damning embarrassed flush creeping across my cheeks.

Oh god. This is so bad. I can’t believe I almost tried to kiss him! I swear there’s no oxygen regardless of the fact that the damn windows are open. 

I need out of the fucking car now. 

With trembling fingers and empty lungs, I yank the door open and drop from the Jeep with the grace of a stoned buffalo. 

        I still can’t take in air.

        Shit, please don’t freak out right now.

         I dig my bare toes into the damp soft sand. I relish the cool misty breeze drifting over my bare legs and the escaped tendrils of hair that tickle my neck. My pulse steadies as I listen to the rolling roar of the surf, the gull calls in the sky and the faint laughter from down the beach. I take in the wispy clouds reaching out to the horizon. The ocean sparkling majestically in the morning sun and the white caps of the waves as they crash against the tide. 

        And just like that, I breathe in and feel like myself again. 

        The beach is a magical place.

        Okay. I curl my toes in, squeezing the cool damp sand into my feet until it crunches, like crushed velvet. It was just three inches. If he brings it up I’ll just say I had to sneeze or something. Yeah. That works.

  It’s not a big deal. 

I take a steadying breath and lean back to snatch my coffee from the center console. Faking a sneeze for effect.

        “Bless you.”

         I tentatively raise my eyes to Jamie’s smooth thunder voice, unsure of what version of him I will see. Our gazes tangle and I realize he hasn’t moved a muscle. He’s still studying me as if he’s trying to peel my skin away with his mind to find what lies beneath. Jamie is always so intense— being around him is like trying to diffuse a bomb. 

        A thrilling, sexy, consuming bomb.

        “Well?” I drawl, breaking the spell. “What the fuck are you waiting for?” 

        His smile is slow and vaguely predatory. He grips my gaze with his as he leans back to unbuckle his seatbelt before he leaps from the cab. The last thing I see before his door slams shut is that devastating smile as he winks at me.

*******

Jamie

  I round the back of the Jeep taking a half a second to get my dick under control.

Spending two plus hours in a car with Eva’s wildflower scent and bare legs was goddamn torture. I almost welcomed the bitter direction my thoughts took when she asked me about coming here before. At least if I was miserable, my balls would have some relief. But then she started screeching the lyrics to Hit the Road Jack and I couldn’t even have that. Now my mind must be playing fucking tricks on me because I could have sworn she was about to kiss me a minute ago.

        Every day with her gets a little harder. 

        Literally.

        “Alright, Doe Eyes. Let’s go.” I start walking towards the jetty but her voice, still back by the Jeep, stops me.

        “Aren’t you going to take off your shoes?”

        “Nah. You ever seen a musician’s feet?” I laugh, reviving her little statement from the subway weeks ago. “You can’t unsee that shit.” I walk a few more steps but her voice lashes out again, sharper this time.

        “Take off your shoes!” She shouts, scowling as she stands there with her arms folded across her chest in outrage. Her precious coffee pokes out from behind one arm. “What kind of person walks on the beach in chucks?”

She looks sexy and adorable as fuck all at once.

        “The handsome kind.” I call, as a smile I can’t seem to fight spreads across my mouth. Honestly the only reason I’m keeping them on at this point is because it seems to bother her so much. “You coming or what?”

        She huffs and marches forward giving me an aggravated shove when she catches up. “You’re going to be sorry when your shoes are all soggy and sandy.” She grumbles. 

        “Oh, no. Have I breached your protocol?” She’s  so damn cute when she’s annoyed.

        “Yes actually, you have.” She sniffs, looking out to the water. “Everyone knows when you take a stroll on the beach you do it in bare feet with your pants rolled up so you can put your feet in the water. Otherwise what’s the point?”

        “To watch the ocean?”

        “But not experience it.” Eva drains her coffee and stalks off to toss it in the recycling bin. I watch her luscious ass sway as she trudges through the soft sand and I’m hit with a surge of the always present need to touch her. 

It’s always there, in my blood, in my bones.

To run my fingers over her soft skin. To have her weight against me.

And she really looked like she was about to kiss me.

Fuck it.

I stalk after her, scooping Eva up and toss her over my shoulder. I allow myself the treat of giving her perfect ass a nice smack.

        “Ow!” She yipes from behind me. “What the hell! Put me down!” 

        “But we need to experience the oceannn!” I whine like Luke does when he’s trying to be an ass.

        “Well we can’t and you have no one to blame but yourself so put me down!” She swats blindly up at me. I laugh, giving her ass another good smack.

        Damn, that feels good.

        “J-Jamie...” she calls up, her voice growing timid as the sand has grown from dry, to damp...to wet.

        “Yeah?” I shout over the roaring surf as I come up on the retreating tide.

        “Put me down?”

        “Aw, Doe Eyes, I really would,” I laugh, charging right into the fucking freezing water. “But you know I hate it when you talk in questions!”

        With that I toss her screaming ass right into a cresting wave.

        She doesn’t immediately come up. I turn scanning the rolling water and when I still don’t see her after twenty seconds hot panic slithers up my throat.

Fuck, did I miscalculate the situation?

This is what I get for trying to be fun. I should have known better—

        Two slender, though surprisingly strong arms, wrap around my hips from below the surface and pull me down. A wave passes above, tossing us together as it drags us along for a few feet. I come up for air, only to get smacked in the face by another wave. My mouth and nose filling with frigid salty water. Eva emerges a second later–pretty as can be–to witness me coughing and gagging on the mouthful of a seaweed ridden wave.

        “Good!” She shouts with glee as she pulls her hair out of the band, “You deserved that!”

        I try not to stare like a creep as she dips the back of her head into the water, smoothing it out from the waves. Drops of ocean cling to her eyelashes and her lips are a shade darker than normal from the cold. 

        Goddamn, she’s gorgeous.

        “Hope you’re happy,” she moves away and swims slowly around me, effortlessly anticipating the push and pull of the tide as she circles. “Now we’re both going to get hypothermia.”

        “Jesus, calm down,” I laugh.

        “The water is like sixty degrees tops, you jackass.” She continues to leisurely circle me on a side stroke. Only her head and shoulders are visible above the water. Her sweater billows around her frame as she floats. 

        I wonder if she’s wearing a bra...

        “I thought you’d be happy to experience the ocean,” I snicker, allowing the cold to keep my wandering mind in line.

        Eva shoves a wall of water into my face, giving me another mouthful of nasty Atlantic. “You owe me the biggest, bestest coffee.”

        I bring my palm back to return the favor and splash the fuck out of her but she shrieks out a giggle and dips below the surface before I can get her, only to emerge about twenty feet away wading through the crashing white caps.

“Let’s go asshole!” She calls over her shoulder. 

        Two minutes later, I’m ignoring the audible chattering of her teeth as I dig through the bag I had Nina make up last night. I tug out a large fluffy beach towel then rummage through my own bag until I find the sweatshirt I’d brought in case one of us needed it. I pass the goods back and once I have Eva covered I set to work digging out dry clothes for me. 

        I tug off my wet shirt, thankful as hell that I didn’t wear my hoodie into the water. That shit was colder than I expected. Shrugging on an old tee, I grab my smokes and spark up. Without giving any thought to what I’ll see, I spin around, leaning against the back bumper and freeze.

        Jesus… fucking Christ.

        Everything stops as I take in the sight of Eva pulling her sopping wet sweater over her head, leaving only her white tank shell top… and god help me, she’s not wearing a bra. The translucent cotton molds perfectly to every curve and dip of her flesh. From the gentle swell of her breasts, to the tight peaks of her nipples, begging for my teeth marks.

The shit my mouth could do to her…

She dries off the best she can with the towel then yanks my shirt over her head and seamlessly pulls the white tank off from under it. I try really hard not to think about the fact that she’s more or less naked under my clothes.

I don’t move. I can’t. Because if I do, if I release the lock I have on my muscles, I’ll end up tossing her in the back of the Jeep and tasting every last inch of her body. Then I’ll fuck her until she forgets her name, until the only name she knows is mine.

“What?” 

Shit. My gaze bounces up to her.

Eva stares back at me, concern pinching her brows. She knows I was eye fucking her.

She has to know. I wasn’t being very discreet.

“What?” She repeats, eyes still fixed on me as she starts patting her nose and cheeks. “Do I have a booger or something?”

My lungs deflate. I can’t tell if it’s from relief or disappointment.

        “Yep.” I reach out and wipe the imaginary spot of snot from her chin. “Big one too.”

        That’s my story and I’m sticking  to it.

        “Ew! I could have gotten it!” She laughs snuggling into my sweatshirt. I grimace, hoping it doesn’t smell like old sweat and cigarettes. 

        Her teeth are still chattering and her lips have darkened another shade. 

        “Com’ere, booger,” I chuckle, holding up my arm for her. “You look like an over excited shitzu.” 

         “And whose d-damn f-fault is that?” With that she launches forward and tucks herself into my side,  burrowing her face into my chest and whimpers a little. “I hate you so much right now and if you weren’t so warm I’d kick you.”

         I grin, taking a deep drag and blow the smoke into the sky while I greedily exploit the opportunity to hold her. I pull Eva tight against me and rub her back in long strokes. We stand together in silence for a while. Listening to the crashing waves and seagulls. She shivers for a few more minutes but it tapers off eventually.

Still, I don’t let her go. 

“It’s a good thing I’m a strong swimmer,” she murmurs, breaking the silence but not our embrace. 

        I smile wryly. “I would have bet money that you knew your way around the ocean.”

        “Because I’m from SoCal?” She asks, looking up at me with a grin.

        “No,” before I can stop myself I give her the real reason. “You get so damn excited when you think you smell the sea. There’s just no way the ocean wasn’t a favorite place of yours.”

        “When have I done that?” She giggles. 

        “A month or so back. We were walking home after work. There was a breeze from the East and you stopped right in your tracks– like a weirdo– I might add... and asked me if I could smell the ocean too.”

        “That was before we were friends.” She says with extra wide eyes. “I didn’t even think you were listening to me.” She sucks in a quick breath and holds it as her pair of iridescent emeralds bounce between mine. “Very, astute.”

        “Also you're from SoCal. Of course you’re a beach bum.” I smile hoping to lighten the mood. Something about my explanation has her eyes going glossy. “I bet you dated douchey surfers and shit too.”

        Limp dick surfers.

        “Close,” Eva snorts, tucking her face back into my chest. Most likely to hide the blush staining her chipmunk cheeks. “I didn’t date anyone at all.  But I surf.”

        “No shit?” Color me impressed. And fucking relieved.

        “I mean, I can’t do anything fancy,” she laughs then glances up with a shy smile. “Just basic one to three foot waves on a longboard. But it’s fun. You sorta come out of yourself. Especially at sunset when the water gets all pretty— or I guess it’s sunrise here? Either way… you’d like it.”

        Something warm tightens in my chest as I gaze down at her. It feels a little too deep to be just an attraction. My hand lifts on its own and tucks a damp lock of hair behind her ear. This must be what she looks like after she surfs. Hair all wild. Chilled skin. Sun kissed cheeks… and happy. “You’ll have to teach me sometime.”

        Her little smile splits open into something goddamn radiant. “Deal.”

        She rests her head on my chest with a content sigh and we fall into a comfortable silence. I’m glad we came here. I’ve been going back and forth about it, but the window for nice weather on the beach is closing fast and after a few beers last night I said fuck it, and had Nina get shit sorted for me.

        A family surf fishing close by cranks up the radio sending The Goo Goo Dolls’ Black Balloon sailing across the beach and Eva gasps as her whole face lights up.

        “Holy shit…” She squeaks, wiggling against me in unbridled excitement. “Oh my god, this is my all time favorite song!” 

        “Of course it is.” I grin. Not the least bit surprised a sappy Goo Goo Dolls ballad is her music of choice. “You know this song is about some chick overdosing.”

        “No, you’re thinking of that Ed Sheernan song. This is about so much more than drugs.”

        “It’s in the title.” Why am I trying to ruin this for her?

        “Oh Jamie...” she sighs like I’m the naive one in this conversation. “Poor, cynical, unobservant, Jamie. This song is about two imperfect humans. It’s about redemption, loss, mistakes made and moments seized. It’s about loving someone through their chaos and owning the reality that some of the best parts of who you are, were born from their flaws.”

I swallow, taking in her words. It’s like Eva sees every shade of color in this world while I’m stuck in black and white.

        “Still would have pegged you as an Iris girl.” I chuckle, trying to shake off the loop her take on the song sent me through.

        “No,” she giggles and the sound lights me the fuck up. Her eyes fall closed as she listens to the music. “This song is… special. I’ve been trying to dance to it since I was a little girl.” 

        The bridge comes in and she twirls inside the circle of my arms to the soaring notes of the strings. The music pauses right as she raises on her toes, dipping back with her arms poised behind her like the wings of Nike. In the quiet, her eyes open, connecting with mine a second before the final chorus bursts through the air and her face splits into the most beautiful smile I’ve ever fucking seen.

        I stop breathing. I don’t move a single muscle as I eat this moment up like a starved man. No one has ever looked as perfect as a sun kissed Eva does right now, standing on her toes, wrapped in my arms as she smiles up at me like everything is right in the world. The song ends but neither of us move.

        “Trying to make a dance?” I eventually ask like a dumbass.

        Fuck. My voice sounds thick. 

        Eva’s eyes go round before she drops from the exquisite pose and dives forward hiding her face in my chest. I’m almost grateful for her spastic reaction. 

        “Yurnofshodiss,” she mumbles into my shirt. 

        “Big girl voice please.” I ask in a tone that thankfully now sounds way more like my own.

        Silence.

        I dig my finger into her ribs and she jolts with a frustrated squeak.

        “Shit! Okay fine… I couldn’t create dances before you.” She whispers. “I could never string the steps together right, until I heard you cover Moments Passed that first time.”

        I stay completely silent as the warm tightness in my chest roots deeper.

        “Something about when you sing… I don’t know, everything just makes sense.” 

        She peeks up at me with those vivid green saucers she calls eyes, filled with shining vulnerability and before I know what I’m doing, I return the honestly by letting something really fucking stupid fly out of my mouth. 

        “I came here a couple times as a kid with my mom.”

        Her lips part in shock, probably mirroring my exact expression. Neither one of us move for several seconds as my statement hangs in the air between us. Too late to take back the mistake of broaching a subject I’d rather freeze to death than talk about.

        Do not fucking ask me, I will silently. She wants to. I can see it all over her pretty face.

        She doesn’t.

        Instead, Eva wraps her arms tightly around my waist, tucks her head into my chest and simply says in a voice filled with so much heart, “Thank you for bringing me here.”

        I remain stiff for another second, bracing myself for questions or leading comments, but she remains silent. She’s said all she’s going to without further prompting from me. I relax and rest my chin on the crown of her head. So damn grateful she didn’t do what anyone else would have done in that moment. Of course she didn’t ask. Eva just gets me. 

        More than Nina who I’ve known forever. 

        More than Ryan who has more in common with me than he realizes. 

        Even more than Luke who probably knows most of my shit.

        Turns out, it’s the annoying little neighbor downstairs who seems to understand me best.