Chapter Three

Fifteen Years Ago

Forgotten in the Dark

My throat burns but I don’t stop. I keep screaming, tangled in my plush and now damp sheets, as I kick and thrash like my life depends on it.

It’s going to get me and no one is coming!

I screw my eyes tight, too terrified to peer through the darkness of my vast bedroom.  I know my house is big but why won’t they come save me?

I scream some more. Too frozen with terror to risk getting out of bed and running from the beast.

********

Present Day

Eva

The intoxicating scent of fresh coffee is going to be the end of me.

My feet shuffle to prevent sighing like an asshole. I’ve been waiting in this god forsaken line for ten minutes. I don’t even have time to be here.

 I’m supposed to be meeting Nina in a few minutes to go check out the local community center’s dance classes. But, as usual, my need for coffee trumps my manners. Hopefully she won’t hold my lateness against me.  

Finally, the line moves and I step up to the counter. “Hi, I need your largest, most caffeinated coffee.” I practically beg the cute guy at the computer. “Just black please!”

“Rough morning?” He asks as he rings me up.

“Not yet but it will be if I don’t get some caffeine in me soon.” My smile is wry. “Oh, you know what. Can you make it two?” 

Nina can’t be mad at me if I bring her coffee.

He nods, adding the second coffee to my order and pulling another cup from the caddy. “Can I have your name?” 

“Eva.” 

His grin is adorably crooked as he writes my name across the cups. “Pretty name, for a pretty girl...” 

My eyes widen in shock before I blurt out the first response that comes to mind...at the top of my lungs.

“THAT’S NICE?”

I scurry down to the other end of the counter to wait for my order, wincing the entire way at my total lack of chill. Who shouts pleasantries in the form of a question at someone who compliments them? 

Me, that’s who. 

Before I can make accidental eye contact with anyone and risk another bout of shouting, I quickly tug out my phone and hide in it while I wait. Time to google other cafes nearby since I obviously can’t come back here ever again. 

“Two black coffees for Eva!” The barista calls. 

I make my way over and grab the cups immediately catching the extra writing on one. 

Hope your day gets better

-Chris

Next to his name he wrote down his number. My head snaps up to him as a hot blush blooms through my cheeks and burns my ears. His mouth spreads into another crooked grin from the counter and waves, not at all put off by the spazzy sally I was back there. I lift my cup to him in a little panicky salute then bolt from the cafe as fast as I possibly can.

I can’t believe I scored a number.

Off a cute boy.

My first week here. Especially after that epic dose of awkwardness.

Maybe east coast boys like ‘em high strung? 

I’m still staring at the cup as I hurry up the stairs to Nina’s apartment. I’m about to round the landing when I collide with a rock hard chest.

“Oh, my goodness! I’m so sorry—” 

“Motherfucker!” The thunder deep voice seethes.

I lift my gaze from Jamie’s steaming, damp, coffee stained chest up to his irate sea blue eyes. No, it’s definitely not an east coast thing. I’m equally off putting on both sides of the country.

“I’m....I’m sorry?”

“Jesus Christ. Is that a question?” His tone might be flat but it still lashes me like a whip.

“No? No! I’m so sorry.” 

“You said that already.” He mutters pulling his shirt away from his skin as he turns back up the stairs probably to go change. “Do me a fucking favor and watch where you’re going.” 

“Did—um... did I do something to offend you?” I manage to ask his retreating back. Maybe there’s just been some weird misunderstanding and we can figure it out and move forward amicably.

“You mean besides throwing hot coffee on me?” He barks over his shoulder as he stomps away.

“Yes?” I answer-ask in the smallest, most pitiful voice there ever was.

The sound of his apartment door slamming shut is my only response.

Nina’s door swings open a second later and she appears in stylish workout clothes and an artfully messy bun of vibrant auburn hair atop her head. It’s such a nice contrast to my drowned rat chic look. 

“What’s all the ruckus about?”

“IgotanumberfromaguyandthenIspilledhotcoffeeonJamie!” I rush out in a panic.

“Well,” she rolls those navy blues hard enough to throw her head back as she locks her door “Serves him right. Maybe he’ll watch where he’s going from now on.” 

She didn’t even ask for the story, she was just instantly on my side? 

“Now,” She turns to me with a big smile and hooks her arm through mine as we make our way down the stairs. “Tell me about this guy.”

I pass her my cup with Chris’s name and number written across the cardboard as we head out of the building. I should probably offer it to her since the other one is now all over Jamie but I just can’t bear to part with my caffeine fix. 

“Smooth.” She laughs, handing it back to me as we step out into the warm city air.  She grows pensively quiet for a moment, pursing her lips like the words she wants to speak are fighting to get free before she can think it through. I brace myself, waiting for her to breach the subject I know is coming. “So... the other night, did you mean what you said?”

My gaze drops as she pulls me to a stop. I don’t want to discuss the inner workings of my garbage self-esteem. It’s not like I don’t understand why I’m like this. The lifetime of therapy I’ve had really drove home the route of my issues.

Big girl pants.

“Yes.” I may not want to explain why I’m like this, but Nina isn’t psychic and if I really want to have friends, they need to understand me. 

Just get it over with.

“Okay... long story short, I’m not crazy about the person I’ve been. I’m so…so shy, and I want out of my shell. I just... I know there’s more to me than this. I can feel it when I dance, it’s only a matter of, I don’t know, unlocking all of it when I’m out of the shoes and that was never going to happen back in Cali.”

“Okay, first of all,” she smiles warmly as she gives my side an over enthusiastic whack. “That’s the most you’ve said to me since you got here. Second, I can’t wait to see you dance.” With that, she links her arm through mine once again and boldly steals a sip from my sacred morning brew, shuddering when she realizes it’s black. 

“Blegh! Oh god!” she coughs, with way more intensity than a perfect sip of black coffee calls for. “I was not prepared for that—anyway if confidence is what you need, then consider me your personal hype girl.”

That sounded a lot like a proclamation of friendship…

Something warm and wonderful blooms in my chest at the realization that despite the mess I made a few days ago, I’m really making a friend. 

We continue down the pretty street in silence for a bit, both of us lost in thought. I take the opportunity to absorb the busy beauty of Roosevelt Square in our little pause of quiet. There’s a small park with a beautiful marble fountain that is centered by the town manors; each slightly different and dated from the next but all fit together seamlessly like Tetris blocks. Some homes are brown stone like Townsend House, some are brick; one or two have marble facades that shine amongst their neighbors. All of it set to the backdrop of the shining sky scrapers brilliantly standing guard over the neighborhood.

I love it here.

Nina stops short, yanking me back by my arm. A tiny drop of hot coffee hits the back of my hand burning the spot where it lands. I’m going to need to upgrade my health insurance to hang out with this girl. 

“Here’s The Underground!” She announces with her free arm thrown up in pride. 

At first glance, it appears to be a simple corner bodega, but the sign hanging above the doorway is sleek and modern with the bar’s name scorched deep into the dark polished wood. I peer through the glass, spotting a staircase in the corner with a blue fluorescent sign at the top that reads BAR.

So. Cool.

“Uh... how... I mean...you guys all work there?” I fumble to snatch an opportunity to get a conversation going that isn’t centered around me.

“Yep!” She chirps, mercifully taking the bait. “I’ve been serving there since I moved in. Jamie is on the bar and he usually performs during his shifts. And Luke does a bit of everything. His older brother, Declan, is part owner so I think Luke feels like residual responsibility to it or something,”

“That’s really cool,” I squint to see down the staircase. “How long have you all known each other?”

“Oh, doll,” she laughs. “I’m gonna need another sip of that nasty black coffee to explain our web.”

One sip was hard enough. But two? 

I hand it over, pulling my lips to the side to mask my pout. It’s your own fault you have to share in the first place. 

  She sips it with a wince then pulls in a theatrical deep breath and claps her hands. “Alright, try to keep up! So, you already know that Ryan owns Townsend House, along with several properties in this boujie-ass neighborhood, and that my grandmother lived here long before he bought it.”

I nod, sipping coffee with the appreciation it deserves.

“He bought the place about four-ish years ago so that he could live near his properties.”

“Man, he seems pretty young to be a real-estate mogul.” I muse. Ryan can’t be older than his mid-twenties.

Her face falls.

“Oh yeah... so, he was able to do all of this with the life insurance/inheritance he got when his parents passed.”

My sip of coffee sticks in my throat. “Oh my god…”

“Yeah,” Nina looks down, dragging her foot along the brick sidewalk. “They died in a car accident when he was in high school—it’s fucking heartbreaking.”  

“He was so young.” My gaze drifts back to the window, everything behind the glass seems different now. Heavier.

She sighs, rubbing her hand along her thighs as if she’s uncomfortable talking about it. “He was an only child too. Luke’s family took him in after the crash. Their parents were all really close. Like vacationed together and all that shit. Ryan is best friends with Luke’s older brother Declan.”

“At least he wasn’t left completely alone.”

Nina nods. “I think the real reason those Carson boys are such business junkies is because they want to help Ry out any way they can. I mean Luke, practically lives at the bar and he’s working on his MBA at Julius U. Dec is part owner, and manages most of Ry’s investments. He comes to visit whenever possible even though he’s down in New York. So, get ready, you’ll get to meet Dec at some point.” 

Oh goodie. My insides twist at the idea of introducing myself to yet another human. I can’t wait to try peopling again.

“Anyway,” Nina twirls an errant lock of hair back into her bun, “that’s how Luke ended up here. He moved in right after Ry bought the place. My gram was still alive back then and she adored both of them. She’d come over every Sunday and tell us all about the sweet landlord and the new neighbor upstairs.” She laughs at the memory. I find myself doing the same. I can totally see those boys charming their way into a little old lady’s heart.

“Ry got a bomb deal on the building because it was in pretty bad disrepair for years—hence my sweeeet rent control. He was shopping for contractors and Grams recommended my brothers and their friend from my dad’s gym... enter Jamie.”

“You were already friends with Jamie?” I just assumed she met him here.

We arrive at the studio and she waves her hand about dismissively as she pulls the door open for us. “‘Friends’ is kind of a strong word. He was a couple grades above me at school and he has the social skills of a wild bore. But we were cool. I used to bum cigarettes off of him when I couldn’t afford a pack of menthols.”

“You smoke?” I really hope I didn’t just come across all judgey. I easily consume ten times the recommended amount of caffeine every morning alone, so I don’t think I’m really in a place to have opinions on someone’s vices.

“Nah. I quit years ago.” She laughs. “It’s so bad for your skin.”

“I heard it’s not great for your lungs either.” Shit, I still sound judgey. 

“Yeah, but I don’t have to look at my lungs in the mirror.” She winks.

**********

Jamie

“So, you ever gonna ask my sister out or just keep acting like her little bitch boy?” Spencer Walsh snickers as he lands a nasty right hook on Luke.

“Hey don’t be a dick,” I call, dodging a left jab from Nina’s oldest brother Bryce. “Luke’s a really good bitch boy.”

“I try my best,” Luke chuckles nice and easy, a split second before he effortlessly sneaks a fucker of kidney shot to Spencer. 

That’s the thing about going toe to toe with Luke, the same thing that makes being friends with him so unavoidable is what makes his opponents underestimate the shit out of him. I learned that lesson the hard way. Our first time in the ring, he joked and smiled the whole time, Then, bam. Lights out.

Never sleep on Luke. 

He lands a second shot on Spencer, this one echoing through the vast warehouse, and gets the attention of Old Man Walsh. He pokes his shiny head out of the office, his bushy red mustache twitching under his nose in typical irritation.

“Take five boys!” He bellows through his gravelly voice then slams the door closed again.

“You scared of her or something?” Bryce calls, getting back the subject of his precious baby sister’s love life as he wipes sweat from his brow.

“I know you are,” Luke snickers, getting a laugh out of all of us. “Pretty sure Little Red can make you boys pee your pants.”

“You ever been woken up to your toe getting broken?” Spencer cries. “‘Cause we sure have!”

“I remember that,” I let out a short chuckle before taking a swig of water. “You two were hobbling around like assholes for a month.”

Neither Walsh brother is amused.

“Yeah all because you ran into her at a rave or something and made a big scene and we were the ones to pay for you hauling her ass out of there!” Bryce shoves me hard in the shoulder, sending me stumbling a step. The guy is built like a fucking Mac truck and he’s obviously still ass-chapped about the whole thing.

I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Nothing good could’ve come from a sixteen-year-old knock out like Nina hanging around a bunch of fucked up creepers crowded near a keg. It’s not my fault she was a stubborn and volatile little hellion even back then.

“For real, asshole,” Spencer says to Luke, rubbing his back like a little bitch from the kidney hit. “Just ask Neen the hell out before she starts dating a new loser.”

“That’s right,” Bryce chimes in. “At least with you, we can rely on Jamie to kill you for us if you fuck up.” 

We all know it’d never come to that. That’s why they’re pushing this shit in the first place.

“Relax fuckers,” Luke laughs. “I know what I’m doing. As the great Philly Sixers fans always say, ‘TRUST THE PROCESS!’”

Process my ass, first of all, the Sixers are in our conference so there’s no reason to go quoting the Philly fans unless you’re trying to fight one. Second, he’s been saying that for two years now. The guy is going to die alone after a life long-lived in Nina’s friend zone.

“How’s the new girl settling in?” Spencer asks sensing he won’t be getting anywhere with Luke. “Is she hot?”

“She’s got a nice ass,” I shrug, pulling at the velcro holding my gloves on with my teeth. I caught sight of her heading out to a yoga class or some shit with Nina the other day, and damn, you could bounce quarters off of that tight pretty thing.

“Nice,” he grins. “Is she cool?” 

“Yeah,” Luke answers at the same time I shake my head.

“Not at all.”

“She’s a little shy,” Luke amends with some weird side eye. “But she’ll come out of her shell soon enough.”

“A little shy?” I scoff, needing a cigarette bad just thinking of the few times I’ve had the misfortune of being around the disaster that is Eva St Clair. “She’s like a cranked-out squirrel.”

I’ve made it my life’s work to stay clear of her the past few weeks. Nothing good can come from being near someone like that. I suspected it, after almost throwing up in my mouth when I learned the bruise running down that baby doll face was apparently caused by me. And knew for certain when Eva’s response was to stutter out a goddamn apology.”

She fucking apologized to me.

I showed up at the little meet and greet ready to be on good behavior for Nina’s sake, but I can’t be around someone who is scared of their shadow and apologizes for getting their face busted. 

“Maybe stop trying to scare her and she’ll chill out.” Luke smiles but it’s uncharacteristically forced. My brows snap in and I’m about to push him about this tense vibe he’s giving off but he turns to the Walsh brothers. “She really likes Nina.”

Magic fucking words, right there.

Their eyes practically start sparkling at the idea that the new girl with the nice ass likes their bully of a baby sister. I start packing my gym bag, regrettably leaving behind the sweet pair of gloves Old Man Walsh lets me use when I work out here. I have better ways to spend my day off than talking about Nina and her new strung out bestie, like drinking bleach, or taking a seminar on anger management.

“Later dickheads!” I call as I head for the exit. I stop at the office, knocking briskly on the beveled glass door, and poke my head into the war zone he calls a work space.

“I’m heading out. The gloves are on the ropes.”

“Jesus Delahunt, would you take them already? I told you to keep them years ago.”

“Not a chance, Old Man,” I chuckle, discreetly digging my smokes from my pocket. “I’m saving up for a nice pair.”

“Fuck you kid, they’re Cleto Reyes!” He barks with genuine ire even though he knows I’m only fucking with him. The man is grizzled to a fault and has no sense of humor. “And quit smoking already. You looked like shit out there.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I wave him off and head out; already itching to spark up as I bound down the front steps of the old warehouse in the city’s notorious meatpacking district.

Aka Butchertown.

I fucking hate it here, I think as I cut through my old neighborhood towards the subway. This particular corner of Huntington City, is a shitty little mix of abandoned industrial warehouses, project towers, and violent crime. 

The Walshs were lucky enough to live a parish or two away from the heart of Butchertown’s worst spots. Their home was in a typical working-class neighborhood. Close enough that we all ended up in the same high school, but far enough removed from the desolation that they were able to sleep soundly at night.

But not me.

I grew up in the heart of this neighborhood’s ruins and I have the scars to prove it. At least for right now I can catch the subway out to Roosevelt Square like a fucking king. 

I stretch my legs out in the plastic seat and ignore the stench rolling off the nodded-out junkie three rows up. Sights like him used to upset me as a kid. But now I feel nothing; not pity, not contempt, nothing. So long as he keeps to himself, that guy whose life is hanging on by a thread might as well be a light fixture in the rail car.

I’m not better than him. Hygienically I may be in better shape, but my soul is every bit as rotted as his. And even though I’ll be getting off in a crazy rich neighborhood, I have no doubt in my mind, I’ll eventually end up back in the same shit hole that made us.

As I’m stepping off the train, the sound of music pulls my attention to my six. I stay put as the car pulls off, waiting for the roar of the rails to fade, as I take in the couple on the other side of the stop performing their music for spare cash. 

The guy is playing the guitar while the girl sings. Even a cold ass cynic like me standing fifty away can see how crazy they are about each other. She sings with a warm smile on her face as she gazes down at the guy playing his cheap guitar who’s looking up at her like the entire world lives in her eyes. 

That’s not something I’ll ever have. Even if I ever figure out how to make her memory proud and write a fucking song...

Fuck this. I turn on my heel and head for the exit.