Chapter 15.5
Eva
My eyes snap open.
The room is dark, the deep shadows painted with beams of moonlight from the window. A little disoriented, I glance down at my body and grimace. I’m laying on top of the covers tangled up in my robe—
Jamie.
Oh my god…
I scramble to sit up – it takes way more effort than it should thanks to the tangled robe – as the memories from earlier come tumbling back. I’m still streaked in makeup and I have fresh marks from his hands and mouth. That glorious mouth that feels like heaven on my skin. That mouth that told me he missed me.
Where did he go? I strain my ears, hoping to hear the tell tale whine of running water from the bathroom, but the moment I lift my eyes that hope evaporates.
My window is cracked open.
He’s gone.
“Shit.” I breathe deeply, running my hands over my face. I’m still half dazed from sleep but his absence does not bode well for how I’m going to feel when the last of the haze clears. Should I go after him?
It didn’t go well last time.
Then I hear it.
The faint chords of a guitar slip through my cracked window with the chilled breeze. Pulling my robe around me, I follow the sound but pause when I hear his voice humming to the melody. It sounds different tonight, it’s tentative as he works through the notes and I just know.
It’s his.
Something brilliant ignites behind my ribs. It’s warm and bright, branching through my veins with its glow.
Jamie is writing a song.
I asked him once if he wrote and he scoffed that it wasn’t his thing. But now he’s plucking away as he creates his own music. Gorgeous, heart-touching music. I rest my head against the window frame and listen; reveling in the sound of his voice. I want so badly to go to him. But I force myself to stay put.
I don’t want to miss a moment of this magic.
The song slowly takes form, evolving from experimental spurts of chords and riffs into a cohesive haunting melody. I sway to the gentle tempo, forever incapable of keeping still when he sings. I close my eyes and smile as his voice grows confident and strong as his lyrics come together in poetic unity. God, I love his voice no matter what, but to hear it sing his own words...
It’s beyond compare.
Unable to hide any longer, I slide my window fully open, climbing onto the fire escape and into the night. The spiced, crisp scent of brisk autumn air tickles my nose and the grate is cold against my bare feet but I don’t let it stop me. I take the stairs to meet him where he’s seated in his window. His eyes lock on me and he stops.
“You said you didn’t write.” I say quietly leaning against the rail.
“I didn’t.” He picks up his glass of whiskey, setting his notebook and guitar aside.
I love his guitar, with its deep stain and the beautiful filigree design of inlaid shell that pops against the dark backdrop. It’s feminine and whimsy and so not his style. I suspect it was his mother’s but I dare not ask. I was only dumb enough to broach that subject once since our dance in my kitchen and he shut down on me like a bear trap. I was shocked I didn’t lose a limb.
Cold wind drifts through the night, tossing the dried fallen leaves that scratch against the stone of the buildings and pavement below. I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear as I pull my robe tighter around me, hoping to stave off the nipping chill as I wait for Jamie to say more.
He doesn’t.
I brace myself for what he’ll do next. Will he push me away? Now that he’s stopped singing, the spell of his music is broken and the weight of what happened earlier settles like a pile of cinder blocks on my shoulders.
“Come here.” He says, his voice low.
I take one hurried step closer and stop.
I just stand, rooted to the freezing grate of the fire escape. All I want is to be in his arms and I’m terrified that he's only pulling me close to tell me we made a mistake.
Jamie waits for me to come closer. But I can’t seem to take the next step. His jaw ticks once then he reaches out, tugging the sash of my robe and pulling me to him. He rests his head against my stomach, breathing deep as he wraps his arms around my waist. My eyes flutter closed as I run a hand through his hair and allow myself to finally breathe. He seems troubled and guarded. But he’s holding me, and everything feels right when I’m in his arms.
“You have really nice hair.” I smile, running my fingers through his thick dark honey locks. “You’ll have to tell me you’re routine.”
He chuckles into my robe. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”
“Nah, sleep is for the weak.”
We stay silent for a while. Cars pass from time to time. The trees sing in the wind. But neither of us make a sound. Then his song begins to play in my head, filling me up as the memory of the melody warms me against the chill.
“I love it.” I whisper, unable to hold it in.
He squeezes my sides, lifting his head away as he slowly pulls the sash of my robe open.
“It’s about you,” he whispers, placing a delicate kiss to my stomach, and lifts his impossibly blue eyes to mine. Something in his expression guts me. Something hopeless.
Before I can stop myself, I’m sinking down onto his lap and taking his face in my hands.
“It’s perfect.” I promise, needing him to know how much I mean it.
He smiles but it’s small and almost sad. Slowly he raises his hand and tucks an errant strand of hair behind my ear. “God. You’re so beautiful.”
He brings my mouth down to his and kisses me.
The press of his lips is almost desperate as he moves his mouth against mine
It’s more than before, it’s deeper and real. It fills my lungs, taking my breath away with its power. It’s both empowering and humbling to be kissed like this.
Like I’m something precious.
He pulls away after a moment. The curtain over is up as his eyes swallow me before he drops his lids and places another feathered kiss to my forehead. Then he lifts me to my feet and sets me back.
“You have a big day ahead of you. Go get some sleep.” His voice is gentle, but my heart sinks when I see his eyes.
They’re empty.
