Chapter Seventeen

Jamie

  There’s a knock at my window.

The incessant tapping has me flying from the bathroom, dripping wet from the shower I just finished to wash  the club sweat off of me. And like a rollercoaster over the first hill, my mind goes from zero to sixty. I barely take the time to wrap a towel around my hips as I barrel across the narrow hallways and bust into my room. 

Eva is on my balcony.

Still in her club clothes.

It’s three o’clock in the goddamn morning.

My heart drops. Something had to have happened for her to be up here like this. Something bad. With shaking hands, I throw it open; raking my eyes down every visible inch of her frame, seeking some kind of injury.

       “I want my present.”

        “Are you fucking serious?” My tone is sharper than I want it to be as I try to get control of the adrenaline rushing through my system.

        She’s fine.

        She’s safe.

        “Jesus. Never mind.” Eva spins on her heel to leave but I lean out of my window, catching her around the waist and pulling her tight against me before she can go anywhere.

I’ll only hold her for a minute.

Just one minute and I’ll let her go.

I bury my face in her hair, inhaling the scent of her wildflower shampoo. 

        At first she struggles. After all, Eva has been pretty goddamn clear about her lack of patience for my attitude tonight. But she must sense I’m a little more than just irritated because after a second or two she sighs and turns into me, wrapping her arms around my neck, giving me a squeeze for good measure.

        She always seems to sense what I’m good at covering up.

        “Sorry I popped up here so late.” She runs her tiny hand down my back. “I remembered you told me to get my present from you when we got back.” 

         I keep my face in her hair and breathe her in, trying to ground myself with its scent as memories start flashing faster than I can stop them. 

        Her hand slipping through mine. 

        Our eyes connecting as she falls. 

        “I tried to make a grilled cheese for myself and it was no good. I can’t get the cheese all melty like yours without squishing it.”

        She did this last night too. When she snuck up here while I was playing and caught me right before I started to spiral… commenting on stupid shit to distract me, and fuck if it doesn’t work.

        “You just drench it in ketchup anyway.” 

        “You need to appreciate the nuance, Jamie. It’s about texture and ratio.”

         “It’s grilled cheese.”

         “Maybe,” She laughs, her warm breath misting over my skin as she runs her hand down my back again. “But it’s still my favorite.” 

         She pulls back a bit and smiles as she threads her fingers through my wet hair, pushing it off my face. “Maybe we should go inside before you come down with pneumonia.”

         That’s… not a fucking option. 

       If Eva comes in here there’s no way in hell I’ll be able to keep my hands off of her. I’m barely treading water as it is right now and losing myself in her will be too much to resist. I may have been ready to pounce on her earlier but that was before Declan decided to drop some unwanted wisdom on me. And with the way I’m feeling right now… no good can come from that.

        I need to let her go. 

         I yank myself away so hard, she stumbles. Then I lean down to get her present. Declan was right. Girls like Eva don’t belong in limbo and that’s the best she’d ever get from me. I need to give her the gift and move the fuck on.

        “Here.” I shove the cardboard tube at her chest and reach up, ready to pull down my window but as Eva quickly opens it where she stands, I come up with every excuse I can think of to wait until she’s done before shutting her out.

        Again.

        “What is it?” A soft smile plays on her face as she pops the end open and pulls out the canvas. As soon as she unrolls it her jaw drops and that little smile blooms into something gorgeous.

        “Who told you?” she asks quietly, staring down at it with shimmery eyes.

        “What?”

         She turns the canvas out to me. “Who told you about this?”

        “No one told me shit. I saw you looking at it and figured you’d like it.”

         She goes really still. 

A blank expression blankets her face for a few seconds as she blinks. Then her shoulders jerk back, squaring with purpose. Every single time she’s done this, I’ve ended up the fool of the situation. Without a word, she rolls the canvas up and slips it back in the tube. Before I can figure out what comes next, she pushes past me, climbing into my room and tugs her dress up over her head.

         God... Damn...

         Eva is standing in nothing but a thong and those fucking boots right in front of my bed sending every last drop of blood straight to my dick.

         Yep. I’m definitely the fool right now.

        “I got it today.” She turns and points to the fresh tattoo on her ribs, it’s a bust of a blindfolded woman. There’s an apple sitting atop her head with an arrow through it. A soft smirk plays on the mysterious woman’s lips and across the blindfold in a clear bold script reads the words: BE BRAVE. 

        It’s a quality tat, old school style with just a hint of modern shadows and depth. But more importantly it’s the exact same image, I currently owe a shit ton of favors to my artist to get it.

        When I took her to get her rose, I could tell as soon as she spotted it framed on the wall that she was completely in love with the art. Eva’s huge green eyes clung to the image practically the entire time we were there, like the woman was telling her some secret only she could hear. 

        I called the shop that night and made whatever deal was necessary to get her the artwork. I’ve been sitting on it for weeks waiting for an opportunity to give it to her where it wouldn’t be desperate as fuck to do so. 

        Eva taps the tattoo. “I noticed it was gone but I figured they took it down for a reference when drawing it up.”

        I’m moving towards her before I can stop myself. The creak of the floorboards is deafening in the otherwise silent space.

I’ve got no goddamn clue what to do when I reach her, I just need to be closer.

She tracks me with that same wary mix of hope and suspicion from last night on my balcony and I hate it. I hate that she doesn’t trust me, even though she shouldn’t and I hate how much her hope makes me want shit I can’t have.

        I study the tattoo. I can see why she loves the blindfolded woman so much. It suits her, capturing everything Eva has become over the past few months. Watching her wake up and come alive has been something else to witness. I doubt the Eva I first met could ever see herself pulling a stunt like she did tonight, yet here she is, practically naked in my room after driving me out of my damn mind for the past several hours. 

        Who am I kidding?

        Months. She’s been driving me out of my mind for months and no matter how much I try to block her out, she’s always there. She’s practically rooted in my fucking bones at this point.

        I reach out and run my knuckle along her ribs, tracing the curve of her breast. Her satin skin breaks into goosebumps sending another shot of lust through me. I want to touch her everywhere. To drag my palms down her impossibly soft skin until she’s shaking and sweating. I want to push and play with her like last night, but Declan’s cock blocking words from earlier are holding me back.

        She deserves so much better than me.

        “What are you doing here, Doe Eyes?” My voice sounds weird. All of the shit I’ve gotten so good at keeping in is coming through.

        “I don’t know.” She answers honestly, all of  her bravado is gone. She might still be dressed like a vixen but her innocence is shining through. Eva looks up apprehensively. “Do...” She sucks in a fortifying breath. “Do you want me to go?” 

Her voice is so small.

        I keep silent but for once it’s only because I don’t know what the fuck to say. I feel weak for the first time in years. The combination of the past three nights and the fucking panic attack I nearly had just now has my guard down and I’m lost without it.

        “What do you want Jamie?” She asks softly.

        “You.”

********

Eva

  Jamie’s answer is instant. It seemed almost painful for him to say but I can’t see his eyes so I don’t know for sure. 

        I hesitate for a second, terrified of what comes next. Then I turn and step into him bringing my skin flush to his— and the feeling of being against him like this is magic. I lift my eyes, trying to get a better look at him but he’s so damn tall his eyes almost completely hood as he stares down, I can’t read him from here.

        I take a deep breath. “How much?” 

        I know that he wants me. The million-dollar question is whether or not it’s enough. 

        “Way more than I fucking should.” His rumbling thunder voice is so quiet and raw. 

        Not exactly an answer.

         I place my hands on his shoulders and hop up, wrapping my boot clad legs around his waist and bring my eyes level to his. I need to see him. The veil is up and the misery inside him is reaching out through the pools of blue, trying to drag me down while it drowns him.

        I take his face in my hands and look as deep as he’ll allow. I try to see beyond the sadness and find what’s lying beneath it. But there doesn’t seem to be anything. Not a single glimmer of hope.

        Just immense and endless sadness.

        “Why do you shut me out?” I whisper. Hoping he’ll stay with me long enough to give me some answers.

        “Because you deserve better.”

        “It’s not up to you to decide what I deserve.”

        “I’m not good enough for you Eva.” It’s not what he’s saying but the complete conviction with which he is doing so that breaks my heart. Jamie believes it. He believes he shouldn’t have me.

        The misery wraps around me, yanking and pulling at my heart, but I try my best to remain steady, like a pillar in the midst of a storm. I can’t let it take me. One of us needs to keep hope.

        I bounce my eyes between his as the past few months flash through my memory. Every interaction we’ve had, from the meaningless to profound, good to bad, all of it bombards me. The hit from the door and my pitiful attempt to ask for his help. That first dismissive smirk. Bloody knuckles and princess bandages. The first time I heard him sing. The twenty dollars. Our fight in the hallway. The subway. Dancing on the patio table. Pasta dinners. Pizza dates. The ocean. Telling me to walk home with Luke, our first kiss. Last night...

        All of it. 

I watch the entirety of our relationship replay before me with new eyes, and something clicks. The puzzle pieces are coming together and everything that’s been driving me crazy since I moved here is beginning to make sense.

       “You’re wrong, you know.”

        “No, Doe Eyes,” he whispers like this is a goodbye. “I’m not.”

         “Oh, but you are. You are so wrong.” I run my fingertip down his cheek where his dimple appears on the rare occasions he smiles. I try to think of how to make him understand. With a deep breath, I let the sadness in his eyes take me. I dive down into his well of misery and sit in it with him. Tears spill from my eyes and I hold his face in my hands. He’s going to hear me. Even if this is indeed goodbye, he’s going to listen to what I’m about to say.

         “You obviously don’t realize this, but you push me forward. I started standing up for myself because of you. I created my own dances because you inspire me. I’ve been bolder and stronger with you than I ever dreamed I could be. I feel alive when I’m with you. I feel seen when I’m with you.” A faint flicker of hope flashes in his eyes as his hold on me tightens with every word. “You make me brave — more so than anyone I’ve ever met. So don’t tell me you’re not good for me. Because for better, worse, and all the shit in between… I owe the best parts of who I’ve become to you—”

         Anything else I want to say gets cut off as Jamie’s lips hit mine. His hands slide through my hair as he pulls me in. I kiss him back with everything I have trying to show the truth in my words.

        “You’re going to regret this,” He murmurs against my mouth.

        “No, Delahunt,” I whisper. “I won’t.”

        “Shit, are you still drunk?” He asks, suddenly pulling away.

        I bring his face back to mine. “You’d be downstairs making me a grilled cheese right now if I was still drunk.”  My new found respect for a hangover kept me more conservative with my birthday drinking than one might have expected.

        Jamie tips me back and we land on the bed. He comes down on top of me and drags a hand down my side. My lungs cave from the fire left in the path of his fingers. 

Nothing compares to this.

  Pulling his mouth from mine, he trails kisses across my jaw as he nuzzles my neck and  I squirm closer to him. The rough pad of his thumb brushes against my nipple and I jerk from the contact with a series of those tremors following in its wake. 

        “God, I love how you shake for me.” he murmurs, running his thumb across me again before replacing it with his mouth. Everything inside my chest turns molten and his hot lips close on my sensitive skin.

        “Ahh.... b-ut it makesss me st-utter.”  I thread my hand through his hair and clasp his head to me, arching into his mouth as my hips begin to roll into him.

        He chuckles against my skin. “Turns out I don’t mind the stuttering.” He yanks me into him, and the towel around his hips comes loose, leaving only the thin strap of satin from my thong between us.

        “Oh? You ma-ake me feel good?” I can’t resist.

        He bites down hard and all of my snark evaporates as a needy moan rises from my chest.

        “Don’t push it.”

        I reach down slowly and run my hand over him but then my eyes widen and I freeze.

        Oh.... He’s big.

        Chuckling, he lifts his head and kisses me. “Scared?”

        “Of course not.” I nip at his lip. “Remember? You make me brave.”

         He drops another kiss on me, moving his lips slowly against mine keeping the same pace with his hips as he pumps into my hand. I love how soft his skin is contrasted by the hardness beneath it. I glide my thumbs across the head spreading the drops of moisture around. Feeling ambitious I try to push lightly on his shoulder to turn us around but he resists.

        “Not tonight,” He pulls back and starts running his mouth down my body.

        “Wait— I had plans.”

        Jamie’s teeth close over my hip bone. “Any more of you feeling on my cock and this will be over before it starts. Besides,” He pulls my leg over his shoulder and settles himself between my thighs. “I’ve been thinking about eating you all day.”

My heart pounds against my ribs as Jamie hooks a finger though my thong and pulls it aside. 

Slowly.

Inch by agonizing inch until he’s staring at where I need him most.

He slides his middle finger inside me pulling a ragged noise from my throat.

        “So hot...” he whispers as he curls it upwards stroking me with his finger tip. “So fucking wet.” He leans in running his tongue up my center. 

        “Oh fuuahh...” my head falls back as white hot energy rocks through my body. I don’t think there’s anything on this earth more divine than the feeling of Jamie’s mouth between my legs. I’m shivering like I’m standing naked in a blizzard but I feel like I’m on fire.

        He adds another finger stretching me while his mouth continues its assault. My thighs start to wobble against his head as the first sparks of an orgasm begin to mount.

  Then he stops. 

His fingers still and he pulls his head away, studying my center just long enough for the feeling to dissipate and then he begins again. Working me up until I’m right on the cusp and then...

         Stops.

        “Please, please,” I pant, trying to rock my hips against his fingers but he clamps an arm across me, holding me down as he slowly curls his fingers up.

         “You can do better than that,” he taunts, looking up at me with a savage expression on his beautiful face.

         “Please, Jamie.” The feeling has already escaped for the second time and I’m not completely sure I’ll survive another round of this. I struggle under his arm trying to give myself what he’s refusing.

         He continues slowly curling his fingers while his other hand skates up my stomach to my breast  and circles my nipple; ripping a choked cry from my chest. 

         “Tell me what you want, Doe Eyes.”

         “Ple-ease! I’m—-ah...” fuck, he’s got me tied into the sweetest ball of knots and I can’t think straight. “I’m… beg-ging you, make me come.”

        “Good girl.”

        All at once, he adds a third finger, stretching me to the point of pain, sucks my clit into his mouth and pinches my nipple. The three sharp actions together ignite an orgasm that is so deep and so intense it almost hurts. Each wave is more intense than the last. It’s stronger than anything I’ve ever experienced and feels like it’s going on forever. 

         Jamie yanks my thong down my legs tossing it over his shoulder and prowls up my body, stopping only to retrieve a condom from the bedside drawer. He tears the package and rolls it on quickly. He positions himself at my entrance and holds himself still for a moment.

        “You sure about this?”

          I fall into the blues staring down at me with… god, I don’t even know what. The expression on his face is so primal yet tender I can’t label it, all I know is that it lights me up. 

        I lay a hand against his jaw, pulling his lip a bit with my thumb.

        “Yes.” I lean up, kissing him deeply. I wrap my arms around his neck. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

        “Since when?” He rests his forehead on mine.

        “Since always.”

         He sighs, dropping a slow kiss on my mouth. He moves his lips gently, softly running his tongue along mine. It’s so tender that for a split second I worry he’s going to leave, but then he swiftly shoots his hips forward pushing deep into me—and I lock up.

        “Ow...” I breathe in through my nose then out of my mouth while I try to adjust and ignore the feeling of being ripped in half. Damnit, I knew the size of that thing was going to give me trouble.

        “Goddamnit, I knew it.” Jamie whispers holding himself still while I try my best to relax around him. He brings his head down and nuzzles my neck. “Take your time, I won’t move until you’re ready.”

        He finds my pulse and sucks lightly, then drags his mouth down biting softly at my collar bone. His hands come up to my breasts and he caresses me with feather light touches. Just like a magic trick, everything inside me goes alight.

        Ever so carefully, I begin moving on him.  I gasp from the thrills of pleasure mingling with the pain. It’s a heady mix and I’m overcome as I move again. He lets out a harsh curse and pushes deeper into me. Burying himself to hilt. The added sting fuses with a growing heat and I arch forward to seek more of the sweet ache. 

        “Fucking perfect,” he growls almost like an accusation into my neck when I move again with a helpless whimper. My fingers run over his nipple piercing and I give it a tiny tug wanting him to feel some pain of his own. 

        The action pulls a threatening hiss from his teeth that stirs a scalding charge in my belly. I give it another tug, sinking my teeth into Jamie’s full bottom lip. Holding on to him as tightly as I can, literally savoring the moment. Everything hurts so good, and God help me, I want more. 

        Just more.

        Jamie rises up, looking down at me with wild hot eyes as he slowly drags his length out to the tip, holding it there until I cry from the loss.

        “You want this to hurt, baby?” He asks indulgently. 

I recklessly nod, unable to taper my response. My honesty is rewarded a second later when his strong, narrow hips snap forward, hitting me hard and deep in a way that makes me wince and moan at once.

        That. I want that again… right now.

        “Please, Jamie.” I would sell my soul in a second for another hit of whatever the hell that was. “Please don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop.”

        I let out a ragged cry as Jamie fists his hand in my hair and tugs my head back as he fastens his mouth on my breast; driving us together with a deliberately steady but brutal pace. He thrusts hard and I can feel him everywhere. His hand grips my thigh yanking it up to get a deeper angle, his mouth moving up my neck, his damp chest now flush against mine.

        I still need more.

        “So, fucking good.” He drags his teeth up the hollow of my throat. I shudder hard from the sensation as I hurtle at a breakneck speed towards the edge. “That’s right baby, let me feel you shake.”

        Jamie captures my swollen lips, kissing me as deeply as possible. The passion behind the press of his mouth to mine is my ultimate undoing. My orgasm rips through me and I come with his mouth on mine as he follows me over the edge with an almost guttural groan. 

        Still inside of me he rolls over pulling me onto his chest as we both struggle to catch our breath.

        “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks after a minute.

        “Would it have mattered?”  I rest my chin on his chest as I trace his tattoos with my fingertips.

         “Probably not,” He runs his hand up and down my damp back. “Thank you.”