Chapter Seven

Jamie

“Please wake up.” I beg. “Someone please! We need help!”

Why won’t she wake up....

I jolt awake with my heart pounding out of my chest and my skin covered in a chilled sheen of sweat. 

Where the hell am I? 

My eyes dart around the room, unfocused and heavy until I finally remember where I am.

My apartment.

I clumsily untangle my legs from my sheet and swing them over the side of the bed, sitting for a while with my head in my hands as I pull in one broken, ragged breath after another. 

Goddamnit, breathing is always the hardest part. It’s like I’m suffocating on shards of glass. After a few endless minutes I’m able to get a rhythm and my heart rate slows, but the chill down my back lingers. It’ll take at least a day, a fifth of bourbon and a perky pair of D cups in my mouth to chase it away.

Fucking nightmares.

It’s been a while since my last one; at least a month, a vast improvement from all night every night like it used to be.  I reach blindly for my smokes and stand on shaky legs as I make my way to the fire escape. I don’t normally smoke first thing when I wake up but the nightmares always seem to send me into an early nicotine fit. 

Just as I’m about to step out, I spot Nina downstairs tapping the window, no doubt trying to wake up the massive pain in the ass who sleeps directly below me. I wait until I hear her climb in and shut it behind her before I head outside. No way in hell am I dealing with those two after the night I had. Especially since grabbing Eva like some sort of rag doll when she insisted on being fucking irresponsible, is probably what set me off in the first place. 

That and the fucking song I can’t get out of my head.

Even now, it’s taking a concerted effort not to hum the old tune. It winds through the back of my mind, like an itch I can’t scratch. I light my cigarette and take a hard, deep drag. As soon as the fumes hit my lungs everything in my chest loosens just a bit as the smoke eats away at a small piece of those fucked up memories. 

I look down the block trying to distract myself in any way I can. A few buildings over Mrs. Malowitz tries to lure, yet another, cat into her apartment. Across the way Mr. Sanchez hangs some laundry on a small line. Down below sits a huge white box with a big green bow on it. I better finish this thing quick before they poke their heads out to retrieve it. 

Hopefully I’ve got a little time. 

I’ve always liked it out here where the backs of these homes face each other and you get a sense of who really lives in the spaces rather than the useless artifice to the building fronts. Back here you see clothes on the line, herb gardens on the railings and open windows giving you a peak into a neighbor’s life. I’ll take a back fire escape over a front bay window any day. 

It’s more honest back here.

I sucked the rest of the cigarette down, fast enough to make me lightheaded and drop the butt into a flower pot that I keep in the corner. I know everyone hates this shit, so I try my best not to make a mess.

After a quick shower and another smoke, I head into the kitchen where Luke is perched on the counter eating fruit loops. I grunt a greeting and head for the coffee pot. If he heard me he doesn’t show it. Not that he would anyway— that’s one of the biggest reasons he’s my best friend. 

He doesn’t pry.

Today’s mail sits on the counter by the coffee maker. I snatch it up and begin shuffling through the envelopes.

“How’d she do last night?” He asks around a mouthful of children's cereal.

“Shit show.” 

“Damn. Really?” He actually seems disappointed. “She rocked training. I figured she was a natural.” 

What the hell is it with this girl? She’s lived here for five minutes and everyone is lining up to be her personal cheerleader. Who gives a flying fuck if she’s pretty—although I have to admit pretty is an understatement. Her face is flawless and her ass is the stuff dreams are made of. Watching that thing sashay around the bar is the only upside to having her work there.

“It’s not in there, man.”

“What?” I know exactly what he’s talking about.

“The letter from Ireland. It’s not there.”

“What’d you do last night?” I ask, changing the subject as I toss the pile back on the counter and grab a mug from the cabinet. He probably took it and hid it in his room with the rest of the letters he hoards so I can’t chuck them. Luke might not pry, but he doesn’t exactly mind his fucking business either.

He can keep them for all I care.

He doesn’t answer, suddenly very concerned with his cereal, that and his dumb smile is enough confirmation for me.

“Nina then,” I mutter while taking a sip of my coffee. Hopefully the suffocating sexual tension between them will ease up and the rest of us can finally get back to our lives.

“How dare you,” he gasps, fluttering his eyelids for effect. “I would never kiss and tell!”  

“Relax,” I chuckle despite my black mood.  “I’m not interested in picturing you two going at it.” 

Luke has always had a way of bringing me out of myself without even trying. Just being around the guy will put me in a better headspace even on my worst days. His silly laid back nature is contagious. Not that I could ever be described as “silly” or “easy going” but hanging with him will downgrade me from “miserable bastard” to just “bastard.”

Luke pretty much used the same trick on me that he did on Nina. He shadowed me wherever I went; never pushed me one way or another and just had my back from day one. Somehow, he doesn’t seem to pick up on the fact that I’m a worthless piece of shit.

He hops off the counter and rinses his bowl, sliding me a loaded glance from the corner of his eye as he works.

“What?” 

“I have a way to buy Dec’s share of the bar.”

I straighten off the counter. We’ve been brainstorming ideas to raise the money for the past week or so but have been coming up empty on any viable plan. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” he keeps his eyes down, scrubbing the bowl a second time. “Eva.”

Goddamnit so much for changing the fucking subject. “How the hell does she fit into this.”

“She talked to me about it the other day and offered to go in with me,” he lifts a casual shoulder as he refills his cup of coffee, adding way too much sugar. “It’d be an interest free loan that I’ll have five years to repay. She’s cool with drawing up a written agreement with a notary and everything.”

My grip on my mug tightens. “You’re comfortable going into a financial situation with a person you barely know?” 

“That’s you who doesn’t know her, not me.” He folds his arms, perching a hip against the counter. “And since she’s doing it completely above board… yes, I’m perfectly comfortable.” 

For fuck’s sake, she cooks one meal for him and he suddenly trusts her as a business partner? I don’t care how good those meatballs were. “It’s a bad move.”

“Listen, I know she’s not your favorite person—" 

I run a frustrated hand down my face, not in the mood for the never ending lecture on how great this girl is.

“—But, she’s offering me a life line here. There’s no way I can afford the interest I’d have to pay to finance the entire amount. Even with her help, it’s still going to be tight.”  He gives me a resigned sigh, “Eves is really awesome to be doing this for me and you should consider giving her some credit.”

Fuck it. Okay.

I run a hand through my hair, stifling the litany of objections I still have behind my teeth. If he’s willing to involve a virtual stranger to get this piece of The Underground it’s obviously more important to him than I originally thought, which means it’s now more important to me. He’s been there for me a thousand times in the past. I never have to question it.

“Ok then,” I finally say. “How much more do you need?”

“No,” he shakes his head adamantly. “This isn’t your problem. I got it.”

“Just tell me how much. I can help with payments or something, it’s the least I can do.”

He holds my hard stare for a minute. I know he doesn’t want to take anything off me, especially since he knows how little I have, but he must see the determination in my eyes because he finally relents.

“Thanks man. I mean it.” He looks really touched that I’d help though I have no idea why. He’s the one who put a roof over my head. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was the least I could do.

“Alright. I’m heading out to see if Nina wants to get a bite. Try not to miss me.” He says, grabbing his keys, phone, and wallet.

“Jesus you just saw her—and you just ate.”

“Aw… are you jelly?” He throws his arms around me pressing his face into the back of my neck. “Listen, baby, when we finally make sweet love I promise to take you to brunch after too.” He leans in, kissing my cheek with a snicker.

“Just go,” I laugh, shaking him off me.

“Don’t wait up!” He calls before slamming the door shut behind him.

Left alone again, the dark cloud from my nightmare oozes into the front of my mind. Reminding me that no matter how much I show up for the people I care about, it won’t matter. My chest cranks tighter and tighter as memories thrash against my skull, trying to break free but I shove them back and force myself to find something to do. 

I change into my gym shorts and ditch my shirt then spend the next hour beating the shit out of the punching bag. Happy Song by Bring Me the Horizon blares through the stereo, leading into NF’s The Search as I throw one relentless punch after another. I’d prefer to hit a person right now, one long gone piece of shit in particular, but the leather will just have to do. 

Against my will, his last words to me settle in my memory.

“Never forget, you’re the reason she’s gone.”

Don’t worry motherfucker. I’ll never forget.

My knuckles are raw and playing tonight during my shift is going to be rough but I don’t care. I just need an outlet for all of this hot tar inside of me because it’ll eat me alive if I let it. 

I’m about to go another round when there’s a soft knock at the door. Breathing heavy and drenched in sweat, I pull it open and groan.

Christ she’s like a fucking rash I can’t get rid of.

Eva stands in the hallway, bathed in the glow from the sky light above us. She’s clad in short ass sleep shorts and stupid oversized fuzzy slippers. Her hair is hanging down her back in wet ringlets and her skin has a rosy hue to it. She would look cute as hell if she didn’t set my teeth on edge.

Her bow shaped lips part as her gaze dips. I watch as it slides down my torso then creeps back up, lingering on my chest tattoos and pierced nipples.  

Definitely cute.

I briefly consider fucking all that wide eyed innocent lust out of her tight body to pass the afternoon but decide against it since I’d actually have to spend time with her to do that. 

Not worth it.

“He’s not here.” I mutter, leaning back to slam the door in her flushed face but she puts an arm out stopping me.

“Um… actually I’m here to see you.” She says with a nervous little smile.

“Not interested.” 

Eva’s eyebrows knit together in confusion for a moment and then she turns hot pink. 

“Oh....oh my god. I plubnir—gah! No. No-no. I mean I promise that’s not what I’m here for. I just...” she takes a deep breath as she tries to use her words. “I have this swing chair I want to hang on my fire escape? It would have to hook onto yours too and I just wanted to clear it with you before I put it up? I really don’t see it being a problem, but I feel like I should ask first? You know be neighborly and all of that?” 

Holy shit, stuttering, rambling, and questions. Doe Eyes just hit the trifecta for annoying speech tics in one shot. She hasn’t managed that one since her first night here, and just like the first time, it pisses me off.

“Is that all? You mean you don’t want to throw more of your money around?” I know I shouldn’t be doing this. But I’m spoiling for a fight. I still need that outlet for my misery and she’s put herself in my way.

“Um…” she shifts her weight from one foot to the other then back again, fidgeting like a scared little mouse. “You mean that twenty from last night? Listen, I know how it looked but I promise I wasn’t trying to offend you I just know he didn’t leave it because of me—"

“Goddamn, you’re dense. I’m talking about your little arrangement.”

A weird calm washes over her. The same thing happened last night in the alley before her long ass monologue. But I’ll be damned if I let the conversation head in that direction today.

“Arrangement...” her eyes narrow and she crosses her arms tight across her chest, pulling her shirt down just a bit in the process. Her tits puff out. The fact that I notice and my dick seems to approve of her cleavage pisses me off even more than I already am.

“The fuck’s your angle?” I demand shaking off my rogue hard-on.

“My what?” That eerie calm is still rolling off of her flushed skin, but there’s a spark in those massive green orbs she calls eyes that hints to the storm brewing beneath it. 

I want it.

I want to coax out her anger and play in her rain.

I bet she tastes good when she’s angry.

“You heard me.” I just need to piss her off enough for her to forget she’s scared shitless of me. “What’s your endgame here? You want Luke under your thumb or something? Or was I right last night and you need to buy your fucking friends?” I step into her space as I speak, forcing her to tip her head back in order to maintain eye contact with me.

Eva’s body jerks like I slapped her but to her credit she holds her ground as she glares up at me. 

“No! Of course not! He needed… he needed money for a great opportunity and I had it to give. I don’t have an angle—And I don’t need to buy my friends.” She’s keeping her voice level but her chest is rising and falling a lot harder now as that storm begins to crest her calm facade. 

“I don’t know about that last part.” I lean in close enough that I get a whiff of her wildflower shampoo. One more push should do it. “You seem to be shelling out an awful lot of cash for someone who has nothing to prove.”

Something in her eyes snaps.

Jackpot.

“You know what?” She throws her hands up in the air before planting her warm palms against my chest and shoves me.

She. Shoved. Me.

I barely moved but that’s besides the point. This slip of a woman, scared of her shadow, shoved me.

“You’re looking out for your friend and I get that, but bottom line- how I choose to… to spend my money is none of your goddamn business!”

Fuck me, she’s sexy when she’s pissed. I stare her down in stoney silence; still in her face. I don’t want to move.

“So, can I hang the chair or not?” She asks through clenched teeth. 

“Fuck no.” I laugh.

“Cool.” Her smile is sharp as her eyes flash with defiance. “I think I’ll do it anyway.” With that she turns on her fluffy heel and storms down the stairs. “Good talk though!” She calls over her shoulder before slamming her apartment door. Effectively getting the last word.

How about that... seems Doe Eyes has a back bone after all.